You and I Walk a Fragile Line
by brickroad16
Summary: A collection of drabbles to accompany my new M/M fanmix. Merlin/Morgana. Spoilers and speculation for season three and the finale.
1. Reckoning

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin!

A/N: These are some drabbles that go along with my Merlin/Morgana fanmix, which can be found at my LJ, inafadinglight.

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**01. "Haunted" - Taylor Swift**

As far apart as they are, the memory of him still manages to haunt her. Having been banished from Camelot, she has taken refuge, along with her sister, in Cenred's kingdom. She suspects his hospitality has everything to do with Morgause's charms and very little to do with any hope of yet another conquest on the as-yet-unconquerable city. Cenred prances, Morgause fumes, and she . . . she languishes, caught in a limbo between a world she once despised and a life she mistakenly thought she'd treasure.

Occasionally, driven by a destructive curiosity, she ventures into Ealdor, leaving in the early morning when it is easy to slip past the guards. She watches from the forest, watches as his mother goes about her daily tasks. She is a remarkable woman, resilient in the face of hardship, always ready to offer a smile or a helping hand to a neighbor.

It's mornings like this when she thinks she could have turned out like Hunith. They're made of the same old stuff, but forged in different flames. One bound for toiling under the sun, for finding richness where there is so little and creating happiness out of nothing but a full belly, a sky full of stars, a loving family; the other bound for a life of royalty, of intrigue, of deception, and ultimately of villainy. Perhaps Hunith was strong enough to not stray from her path, even though she was all alone. Perhaps it was her son who kept her fighting.

Is it not ironic then, that the man who has saved one lies at the heart of the other's wickedness?

**02. "Night of the Hunter" - 30 Seconds to Mars**

Her revenge comes in the form of a seven-year-old boy.

He has raven-black hair and ice-blue eyes. His cheekbones. Her smile.

No one else notices, but he catches sight of them in the middle of a Mercian market, and why else would they all be here, in this particular village, at this particular time, on this particular day, if not for Fate? Although he and Fate have never quite seen eye to eye . . .

Breaking away from Arthur and his cohorts, he trails them until the boy eventually eludes the eye of his ever-watchful mother. Bending to a knee, he stops the boy running past with a gentle hand to his chest.

"Where's your father?" he asks kindly.

The boy looks up, eyes wide at the stranger. "He's dead, sir."

"Your mother, then."

The boy jerks his head to where she stands, pretending to be absorbed in a jeweler's wares.

He frowns, finding it hard to even look at her. "Do you know who I am?" Off his head shake, he says, "I'm Merlin, Camelot's sorcerer. Have you heard of me?"

To his dismay, the boy takes a step back. "Mother says I should never speak to you. She says you're not to be trusted."

"Calm down, I won't hurt you. I only want to know your name."

He looks at him warily, and his heart breaks faster than he had ever thought possible. An immense sadness settles upon his chest, but he lifts his hand to release the boy.

"Balin," the boy frowns, uncertain, "my name is Balin," before running off to rejoin his mother, who welcomes his return with a knowing, effervescent smile.

He stands again with a heavy sigh. She looks the same as ever, a little earthier but still a vision of beauty. His breath catches as she turns and her eyes meet his, and he _has_ to know.

_Balin?_ he asks, trusting she can hear him.

She smiles. _For his grandfather._

**03. "You Already Know" - Train**

It isn't until he sees her on the throne, crown perched on her head, that he realizes how far gone she is. Arthur is heartbroken when he hears the report, devastated that the woman he treated as a sister would betray him in such a way. But Arthur's grief is nothing to his own, which rises up like bile and chokes him until he has to retreat to a copse of trees in order to break down and weep in solitude.

For all his selective wisdom, the damn dragon never told him about _this_. He'd warned him about her future villainy, but had never breathed of word of how his heartache would overwhelm and threaten to cripple him. The cracks in his heart forge deeper when he considers that no one will ever even _know_.

The prophecies speak of his wisdom, of her wickedness, and yet where is the chapter devoted to their tragic, unrequited love? History has no use for a complicated, misunderstood villainess, he supposes, or a love-hardened sorcerer. It's that moment - tears staining his cheeks, hidden against the trunk of a tree - when he understands that his grief is not only for her.

**04. "Currents" - Dashboard Confessional**

He whispers her name like a prayer, or, more appropriately, a spell that requires much care in order to be coaxed into being. Yes, he says her name like a spell, and the warmth in his eyes is akin to the comforting glow of magic.

He kisses her like there's no tomorrow, as if they're the last people on this earth. He holds her like he won't ever let go, as if the world would disappear if they simply believe hard enough.

It's only later that she wonders if he knew, if he had any inkling he would awake to find her gone, only later that she wonders if he's aware of his role in her downfall.

And she watches him in the scrying glass, watches him go about his daily tasks, a miserable expression on his face, convinces herself that he never knew. Because knowing would mean he let this all happen, let them succumb to destiny, and that's a thought she cannot bear.

**05. "Sort Of" - Ingrid Michaelson**

She doesn't belong here, and she's known that for a long time, even before her magic manifested. The rational side of her - the one that's sick of the fighting and the hypocrisy and all the damn lies - just wants to cut and run.

She can have a real life somewhere out there, with her sister, as they wait for her brother to assume the throne and restore the kingdom. And she has every opportunity to do so. She could flee in the night, ensure that her darling father never sees her again.

But something - someone - ties her here, keeps her in a place she hates simply because there is a possibility of seeing is face each day. The sad, secret truth is that an independent-minded, strong-willed woman like herself comes unraveled when he's near, and the truth is that he no longer cares.

**06. "Skinny Love" - Bon Iver**

He nearly breaks under the weight of her lies.

Her stories get more convoluted, her tales more difficult to corroborate, her tracks trickier to cover up. She must be doing it purposefully, he decides, to test him, see how far he can be pushed before betraying her yet again.

But she doesn't seem to realize that he does it all for her. He has the extraordinary curse of loving his enemy, but he is determined to bear the burden stoically. Maybe, because of this, no one will speak of her as anything save for his sworn nemesis, the woman whose black heart shed darkness on his world, the woman who hated him above all else.

But the alarmingly sad truth is that darkness and light, hatred and love, are two sides of the same tarnished coin.

**07. "I Saw" - Matt Nathanson**

He tells her over and over again how she will be okay, how magic is not a thing to fear, how she can trust him to keep her secret.

Yet the lie is in his eyes.

She will _not_ be okay.

Magic _is_ a thing to fear when your guardian is Uther Pendragon.

She _cannot_ trust him, cannot trust anyone, has been foolish to tell him all this.

But she tries to believe him, tries because he sends her to the Druids, because he takes the time to bring her flowers, because he smiles at her even though he sees the real her.

It's not until they're locked in the throne room, hiding from the Knights of Medhir, that all her blunders and confusion come to a head. She'd always believed he would be the one to save her, to rescue her from the perilous edge, and here he is opening his hand and letting her fall.

**08. "Addicted" - Kelly Clarkson**

Sometimes, he all-too-easily forgets that she's still human. The murder and the smirks and the evil schemes can overshadow the woman he knows is still buried inside. She likes to remind him of this with kisses that are gentle yet manage to knock the breath out of him, or with the way she insists on tending to him when he's injured, or with the way she runs her fingers through his hair.

And sometimes she tries to hide it from him, like the night she disappears into the forest for hours to weep over Agravain, Aglain's brother, fallen in a meaningless skirmish. Or when she avoids his gaze to prevent him from seeing her wavering conviction just before she hands out a difficult order.

It's taken so long, but he finally sees her, all of her - the determination, the frustration, the struggle and the conflict. Gwen, Gaius, Arthur, they don't see all that. They ask why he continues to love her, to hope for a happy ending, and he never knows quite what to say. She is the matching half of his soul, and to leave her, to stop loving her, would be to deny his own true nature.

**09. "Basket Case" - Sara Bareilles**

He can tear her down with just a look.

She hates his irritating sense of righteousness, and yet there's a sliver of her that realizes if he were ever to confront her with an ounce of kindness, he could crack through her mask of indifference and she would fall to pieces at his feet, toppled by remorse.

He used to be the only person she trusted enough to truly confide in. Now, even with her sister's influence, he's still the only one who could ever make her rethink her ways. He knows, and yet he's the same as everyone else - content to abandon her as a lost cause. She pretends it doesn't ache when he chooses to foil her plans with an elaborate counter scheme instead of simply talking to her, making an effort to understand. She doesn't know which hurts more - losing him or losing herself.

**10. "The Mess I Made" - Parachute**

He lies awake and wonders when his mistake is.

Was it the night he counseled her to seek out the Druids?

Was it the moment he chose to let Mordred go, for her sake?

The day he decided to not confront her about the crystal?

That awful afternoon when he chose poison over finding another way? (There is _always_ another way.)

Or the night he saved her life, after nearly taking it? So many mistakes perhaps, all leading to one outcome. Every time he looks into her eyes, he can see the pain behind the hatred, the pain _he_ has caused. If he is honest with himself, is this not his fault? Is she not of his own making, the product of his failings, the mistake that will haunt him until the end?

He tries to figure a way around it, but it all comes down to one thing, the truth that ties the guilt fast to his heart, and never lets him forget.


	2. Redemption

A/N: I wrote these before the end of season three, and I think a lot of them reflect my frustration with how these two were treated this season.

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**01. "Where We Belong" - Thriving Ivory**

As much as it pains him to admit it, a great weight lifts from his soul the moment Arthur's breath falls away until it barely runs through him at all. He drops to his knees, staggered by the sudden lightness within him. Yet the battle rages on around him, the warriors driven on by their leader's sudden and tragic demise. He has to tear himself away, force himself to focus on his fallen king instead of the friends he is rapidly losing.

When he reaches the lake, she's already waiting on the bank for him, looking as fair as the first day he saw her nearly two decades ago. His breath falls away at the sight of her, but she is all business as she gathers his dead king into the boat and lays him atop a bed of dried grasses.

"Stay with me," he pleads, half out of desperation and half out of madness. It's been so long since he's seen her, since he's held her . . .

She regards him silently for a moment, and he feels her gaze reaching into him. "I have a duty. Arthur must be escorted to Avalon."

"Yes, but," he stammers, "but your sisters can watch over him." There's still uncertainty, distrust in her eyes, and so he says, "Please, Morgana. Arthur's time is past. Maybe it's finally our time now."

She nods, a small smile touching her lips, and he sits down in the grass to wait for her to return to him.

**02. "Run" - Snow Patrol**

"Let's run."

She glances at him sharply, surprise winning out over the distrust. "What?"

He takes a step toward her, suddenly desperate to get out of this castle, out of this stifling city. All he wants now is a chance with her, an opportunity to start again. Arthur, destiny, the dragon - they can all be damned.

"Tonight. You and me. Let's just . . . let's run. Let's go to the forest and live with magic and figure out our own destinies." Before she can question his motives, he continues breathlessly, "All my good intentions only lead to harm. Maybe it's time I fix this before it's too late."

After all, maybe Arthur's destiny depends on it. Maybe he's been looking at it the wrong way, and Morgana's redemption is the key to Albion's future. He tells himself this, buries the seed of selfishness deep inside even as she moves toward him.

"Is this a trap?" she demands, though he can see in her eyes just how much she wants to believe. "Are you going to lure me into the forest only to kill me? Or leave me there to die? Since you don't seem to have the guts to do it yourself."

"No trap," he swears. "Just meet me in the corridor outside the kitchens at midnight and I promise you that we will not see Camelot again until Arthur is king and magic is restored to its proper place."

That night, rucksack full of provisions, he waits in the abandoned hallway as the moonlight spills through the window. He is just about to pronounce this all a fleeting moment of madness when she appears 'round the corner, dressed in a dark green traveling cloak. He holds his breath and wonders idly what the history books will say of him now.

But then she takes his hand, tentatively, and he knows he's made the right choice this time.

**03. "Backwards Walk" - Frightened Rabbit**

He can't seem to tear himself away from her. Time after time, he goes to her with hope in his eyes and leaves with scars on his heart. She's an enigma, one he'll never quite unravel, no matter how gentle his embraces or how soft his kisses.

If his ulterior strategy was initially to disarm her with affection in the process of satisfying his own desires, it doesn't seem to be working. Each morning he wakes beside her with the same thought, to lock her out of his heart once and for all. But his resolve weakens when she curls into him unconsciously, one soft hand resting on his bare chest and wavy tendrils of black hair teasing his shoulder.

It is only in this moment, in the early hours when the sunlight is only beginning to creep through the windows, that he recognizes the vulnerability in her. And that's when he knows he'll never be able to truly leave her, knows it'd be easier to tear his own heart out before turning his back on her.

**04. "All I Need" - Within Temptation**

He brings her flowers after she forgives him.

It's so easy to hate him - for murdering her, for constantly lying to her, for always choosing Arthur above her. A part of her never woke up from the poison. The hemlock had stripped her of her capacity to care, had taken that piece of her heart and locked it up without ever telling her where it'd hidden the key. So now she is a tragic villain, betrayed by the very one she trusted above all.

But the thing is, when he brings her the flowers (bright purple ones that match her cloak, and she can't help but remember how purple used to be her favorite color, the color of royalty), there's such relief in his eyes - because she's forgiven him? because she's _alive_? - that she can tell right away those eyes will haunt her, will never let her rest easy.

She wonders if he understands how easy it would be to save her, that the only thing she really needs right now is truth. Maybe he _can't_ see it, blinded as he is by thoughts of destiny and by the manipulative creatures he is surrounded with. Maybe it is her duty to open his eyes.

And so, when Gaius calls for him, she closes the door with a giggle that is not-quite feigned and presses a finger to her lips.

"Maybe I should go," he suggests, though he's smiling.

"Later," she insists, taking his hand and pulling him over to a chair. "But first, you and I have much to catch up on."

**05. "Angels or Devils" - Dishwalla**

He likes to believe that this isn't over, that her fate isn't set in stone, that maybe, just maybe, all hope isn't lost. When she comes back to Camelot, blistering with anger and yearning for revenge, he scrambles to undo all her damage without revealing his gift. And then, after the confrontation in the catacombs, he passes her in the corridor. His first instinct is to duck into the nearest alcove and avoid her wrath, but he catches a glimpse of her eyes, sees the broken heart behind the steely façade.

Her eyes bore into his, trapping him in the middle of the deserted corridor like a startled fawn in the forest. She moves to sweep by him, but he recovers in time to snag hold of her sleeve.

"Morgana," he pleads.

She fumes silently, refusing to acknowledge him.

"There's something I need to tell you."

She rips her arm away and questions imperiously, "And what is that, Merlin? That you will be the end of me if I harm a hair on your precious prince's head?"

He gulps as the guilt seeps into his heart. There's no way to properly tell her, not after everything that's happened.

So he brings a fist to his lips, whispers an incantation, and opens his hand to show her the flame that dances on his palm.

**06. "The Well and the Lighthouse" - Arcade Fire**

She sometimes finds herself daydreaming about what it would be like to be loved by someone like him. Someone intelligent, who would listen to what she has to say and yet gently guide her when she goes astray. Someone kind, whom she will allow to see her fragility. Someone passionate, who will show her that there's more to this world than anger and discontentment.

She dreams of how his lean hands would feel against her body, how his lips would feel pressed against hers. But then the images that come at night turn all too tempting with the day. He's there, always there, the sound of his voice sparking a future memory, the scent of him dredging up deeply-buried secrets.

She could have him, if she wanted. She is the king's ward, a member of the royal family, and one look from her would give him permission. She prides herself on being fearless, and yet, she is terrified of the one thing no one fears:

_Love_.

**07. "A Girl, a Boy, and a Graveyard" - Jeremy Messersmith**

She had felt alive once.

Her childhood days of challenging Arthur to swordfights and gloating when she defeated him are but distant, shadowy memories. Even the hours she spent playing pranks around the castle and hiding from those who didn't think a royal lady should be playing jokes seem so far away, the times Gwen would be the only one to find her and coax her from her hiding place. More recently still, there was a boy who could stir her heart and weaken her resolve simply by _smiling_ at her.

Now, though, all of this seems so empty and forgotten.

Now she has only a dead heart.

**08. "Hurricane" - 30 Seconds to Mars**

In the end, all his efforts are in vain.

Though she does not slay him personally (that had been Cenred's achievement), the king of Camelot falls in combat, and the city crumbles.

He and Arthur kneel in the solar, before the wicked triumvirate, still bloody from battle. It is only the five of them. Morgana draws her sword and begins to pace in front of them.

"Please," Arthur beseeches, "don't harm Gwen. Merlin, will you take care of her? Just let them leave the city, unharmed. I beg of you."

He's careening, his grief pulling him from Morgana to Merlin and back to the woman he once viewed as a sister.

She smiles, her fingers running along the edge of the stained blade. "Oh, they won't be leaving the city, I promise you, dear brother."

Arthur hangs his head, but Merlin can only stare at her as a glimmer appears in her emerald eyes. His brow furrows as he tries to decipher the look. What is it? It can't be forgiveness.

And yet she comes to a halt before her brother and extends the sword, hilt first, toward him.

"Why would they want to leave when you are here, my king?"

Merlin gapes as Arthur stumbles to his feet.

"Is this a trick?" he demands, but Merlin can see the hope in his gaze.

Morgana shakes her head. "No trick. But the time has come for you to unite Albion, and you will need both Gwen and Merlin at your side."

"And you?"

She drops her gaze demurely. "If you so desire it."

"You killed my father."

There's pain in is voice, overwhelming pain, but also a hint of reluctant understanding.

"He was a necessary loss. His death will free his kingdom. One life, Arthur, is not a hefty price to pay for thousands."

Arthur frowns, and Morgana stands silent as she waits for judgment. This is an argument that has no ending, but as Arthur takes the sword from his sister, he ushers in an age of new beginnings.

**09. "Wild Horses" - Susan Boyle**

There's a terrible trembling through his veins. It's the only reason he knows that the horror before his eyes is reality and not a twisted nightmare, born from the fear and hatred and madness that rule this land. Because it is nothing but madness that Uther stands, still king, on the balcony to overlook the execution. It is nothing but madness that Arthur has not the strength to attend this, has not the means to stop it. Nothing but madness that, despite her traitorous turn, it is she on the pyre, instead of the tyrannical king.

Her name is a constant mantra in his head, and he wonders if she can hear him, if it gives her strength or merely fuels her rage. When she lifts her head, looks straight into his eyes, the desperation he sees there is the catalyst he needs to act. He rushes forward from his place amidst the onlookers, using surprise to get past the guards, and jumps onto the platform.

"No!" she cries. "Merlin, you mustn't! You'll be killed! Just go, leave me!"

But he's already cut loose her bonds, already helping her to her feet. "I won't leave you, Morgana. I won't see you die."

She's clinging to him, pleading with him now. "Then he'll only kill us both. I couldn't bear it. You have to _go_."

He grabs hold of her pummeling arms. The guards are closing in on them now. They're running out of time. "Trust me, Morgana. _Trust me_."

She locks gazes with him, nods, and laces her arms around him, burying her nose into his neck. An incantation unravels from his tongue, the ancient words falling out instinctively, and the world around them begins to disappear. The noise of the crowd dies away; their shouts die in his ears. He wraps her in his arms, and the last thing he sees is the king's shocked expression before they disappear in a rush of wind.

When he opens his eyes, they're in the middle of a forest. She's shaking in his arms, and his heart is pounding so violently he can hear it in his ears, but the forest smells like freedom.

**10. "Not Too Late" - Norah Jones**

He spends 750 years hating himself, and all it takes is one glance for her to dispel that inner torment, to take him back to the first day he saw her, nineteen years old with stars in his eyes and magic in his pocket. One look is all it takes for him to believe in forgiveness again.

Which is how he ends up tangled in her that night, palm to palm and lips to lips. She's everything he remembers, everything he's spent so long torturing himself about. Her kisses sear within him, set him alight with a passion he long thought he'd lost. For seven centuries, he's been playing at life, but he remembers now what it is to _feel_.

_She_ makes him remember.

She falls asleep before he does, pressed against him like an interconnected stone on a wall, nestled perfectly into place. Her hair is spread out in a halo across his chest, silky and soft and wonderful. He wonders if she cares about the scandal this will stir up in society, wonders if that's precisely why she's doing this, but he finds that he doesn't really care.

Whatever reason she lets him stay, she _lets him stay_.


End file.
